I have had so many ideas and thoughts to write in the past several months, but struggle to find the time to write! I so long to encourage other moms because I know parenting is hard and sometimes feels lonely. This particular post has been hard to write because I'm making myself vulnerable. I want to be honest about my struggles in parenting in hopes that I may encourage at least one mom that may have the same struggles I have. So, I pray God will encourage you and strengthen you as a result of my honesty.
The laundry is constantly piled high and calling my name, toys all over the floor that I trip over daily, and more. Besides the daily chores, there are the very loud audible voices that constantly call out to me. Yes, that would be my children. I cannot leave them a lone for 5 minutes without someone getting hurt, it seems. How I love and adore them; how thankful I truly am for them, but oh, how I feel like I fail them every day. At the end of the day, I often wonder, have I accomplished anything today? I get down on myself so easily. The negative thoughts pressing in so heavily on a daily basis. "I can't believe you did ______" or "...didn't do (fill in the blank.)" I confess, I struggle with lots of insecurities.
As moms, we don't have someone giving us quarterly reviews on how we are doing. We don't have monetary or other extrinsic rewards to work towards earning. We don't have a coach telling us good job throughout our day. I don't know if you are like me, but I thrived on that kind of stuff back in school and when I was working before having children. So, how are we supposed to get through our day and feel like we've accomplished something and that we have done a good job? Well, perhaps we are not; perhaps that is the wrong perspective. Perhaps my perspective needs changing.
The past few weeks, I have been studying about Gideon in the book of Judges. Turns out Gideon and I have a lot in common. We are both insecure, afraid, and easily intimidated. God has been teaching me some things about Gideon's story that I can begin to apply to my parenting.
For starters, I will confess, I am very insecure in my parenting. Daily I feel like I fail my children and I feel like I fail God in raising them. God is teaching me that parenting is a battle and that it is vital to begin this "battle" each day in prayer. My "battle" is not against my children (even though sometimes it feels that way). Ephesians 6:12 explains, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
Have I learned this before? Yes! Do I need reminded often? Absolutely! I also know I still have much more to learn from the Lord. But, this is where I must start--in prayer. God has blessed me with this special role of parenting and He promises to not leave me stranded in it. I must fully rely on Him daily. I can also trust Him, that He will fill in the gaps when I mess up, that He will sustain me and strengthen me, and that He will show up in their lives too. Where I am weak, (i.e. parenting) He is strong!
Gideon also learned about God's strength in weakness in the book of Judges chapter 6. The Israelites were hiding from the Midianites in fear. In verse 11, we find a young man named, Gideon, busy threshing wheat and hiding it from the Midianites. Right then, where Gideon was hiding, God sent an angel to him and said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior!" Did you hear that? The angel called Gideon a "mighty warrior" while he was hiding in fear! If the Lord sent an angel to me and called me, "mighty warrior," I'd be looking all around me to see who He was talking to because it certainly would not be me! Listen to what the Lord says to Gideon next in verse 14:
"The Lord turned to him and said, 'Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?' 'Pardon me, my lord,' Gideon replied, 'but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.' The Lord answered, 'I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.'" (Judges 6:14-16)
Gideon says, "how can I save Israel? My clan in the weakest...and I am the least." God, how can I teach these children to follow you and know your love for them? I am so weak! Then, I would go into all the reasons why I think I'm weak. But, God says to Gideon, "I will be with you..." and then God lets Gideon know they will win the battle!
Friend, this is true for both of us. No matter how much we may feel like we have failed, or messed up, no matter how tired we may be, we can trust God is with us! We can trust God to fill in the gaps and sustain us. At the end of the day, when the house is a wreck, the laundry still has not been done, you've lost count of how many times you put your preschooler in time-out, and you've just exhausted yourself--what matters is that we relied on Him. My perspective changes from focusing on what did not happen today to focusing on God's strength all day long and trusting Him to fill in the gaps. I am no super mom by any means. God is my strength, my helper, my sustainer, my filler. He will win this battle!
We cannot rely on ourselves. The slogan is not, "you got this," but instead:
God's. Got. This!
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