You Got This?

I have had so many ideas and thoughts to write in the past several months, but struggle to find the time to write!  I so long to encourage other moms because I know parenting is hard and sometimes feels lonely.  This particular post has been hard to write because I'm making myself vulnerable.  I want to be honest about my struggles in parenting in hopes that I may encourage at least one mom that may have the same struggles I have.  So, I pray God will encourage you and strengthen you as a result of my honesty.

The laundry is constantly piled high and calling my name, toys all over the floor that I trip over daily, and more.  Besides the daily chores, there are the very loud audible voices that constantly call out to me.  Yes, that would be my children.  I cannot leave them a lone for 5 minutes without someone getting hurt, it seems.  How I love and adore them; how thankful I truly am for them, but oh, how I feel like I fail them every day.  At the end of the day, I often wonder, have I accomplished anything today?  I get down on myself so easily.  The negative thoughts pressing in so heavily on a daily basis.  "I can't believe you did ______" or "...didn't do (fill in the blank.)"  I confess, I struggle with lots of insecurities.

As moms, we don't have someone giving us quarterly reviews on how we are doing.  We don't have monetary or other extrinsic rewards to work towards earning.  We don't have a coach telling us good job throughout our day.  I don't know if you are like me, but I thrived on that kind of stuff back in school and when I was working before having children.  So, how are we supposed to get through our day and feel like we've accomplished something and that we have done a good job?  Well, perhaps we are not; perhaps that is the wrong perspective.  Perhaps my perspective needs changing.

The past few weeks, I have been studying about Gideon in the book of Judges.  Turns out Gideon and I have a lot in common.  We are both insecure, afraid, and easily intimidated.  God has been teaching me some things about Gideon's story that I can begin to apply to my parenting.

For starters, I will confess, I am very insecure in my parenting.  Daily I feel like I fail my children and I feel like I fail God in raising them.  God is teaching me that parenting is a battle and that it is vital to begin this "battle" each day in prayer.  My "battle" is not against my children (even though sometimes it feels that way).  Ephesians 6:12 explains, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."  

Have I learned this before?  Yes!  Do I need reminded often?  Absolutely!  I also know I still have much more to learn from the Lord.  But, this is where I must start--in prayer.  God has blessed me with this special role of parenting and He promises to not leave me stranded in it.  I must fully rely on Him daily.  I can also trust Him, that He will fill in the gaps when I mess up, that He will sustain me and strengthen me, and that He will show up in their lives too.  Where I am weak, (i.e. parenting) He is strong!

Gideon also learned about God's strength in weakness in the book of Judges chapter 6.  The Israelites were hiding from the Midianites in fear.  In verse 11, we find a young man named, Gideon, busy threshing wheat and hiding it from the Midianites.  Right then, where Gideon was hiding, God sent an angel to him and said, "The LORD is with you, mighty warrior!"  Did you hear that?  The angel called Gideon a "mighty warrior" while he was hiding in fear!  If the Lord sent an angel to me and called me, "mighty warrior," I'd be looking all around me to see who He was talking to because it certainly would not be me!  Listen to what the Lord says to Gideon next in verse 14:

"The Lord turned to him and said, 'Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?'  'Pardon me, my lord,' Gideon replied, 'but how can I save Israel?  My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.'  The Lord answered, 'I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive.'" (Judges 6:14-16)

Gideon says, "how can I save Israel?  My clan in the weakest...and I am the least."  God, how can I teach these children to follow you and know your love for them?  I am so weak!  Then, I would go into all the reasons why I think I'm weak.  But, God says to Gideon, "I will be with you..." and then God lets Gideon know they will win the battle!

Friend, this is true for both of us.  No matter how much we may feel like we have failed, or messed up, no matter how tired we may be, we can trust God is with us!  We can trust God to fill in the gaps and sustain us.  At the end of the day, when the house is a wreck, the laundry still has not been done, you've lost count of how many times you put your preschooler in time-out, and you've just exhausted yourself--what matters is that we relied on Him.  My perspective changes from focusing on what did not happen today to focusing on God's strength all day long and trusting Him to fill in the gaps.  I am no super mom by any means.  God is my strength, my helper, my sustainer, my filler.  He will win this battle!

We cannot rely on ourselves.  The slogan is not, "you got this," but instead:

God's. Got. This!

Question of the Week

Here is a an idea I came up with not too long ago.  Each school year, I weekly attend a Bible study of some sort.  Over the years, I have done Beth Moore, Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) and most recently one by Priscilla Shirer.  Every time I leave from Bible Study, I am full of excitement over what God is teaching me and my brain is full of things I want to teach my children.  But, I rarely ever get it out!  I have a hard time applying what I learn.  I feel as though I have so much to share with my family about what I am learning, but have a very difficult time finding time to share with them.

So, a while ago, I got an idea!  I decided to come up with one question from my study that I can ask myself and my family.  Then, I wrote the question on our dry erase board.  This dry erase board is located right by the door where we enter and exit our home.  It is where we keep the family calendars, school reminders, etc.  So, we see this board often; it is hard to miss.

The first question I asked was, "Are you bringing honor to God in all that you do?"  I can honestly tell you that I have seen this question and read it multiple times a day every day.  Therefore, it has constantly been on my mind.  I have been reminded to make sure that whatever I am doing is honoring to God AND I've at times remembered to ask my children, "are you bringing honor to God right now...are you making God happy with how you are acting" or "...in what you are doing?"  Wow!

This has definitely impacted my own life.  This first question changed my thinking at times and assisted me in discipling my children in a way that honors God, just by merely asking them the question and getting them to start thinking about it.  It is amazing how one question can be made so simple for children and still be so deep for myself and my husband.

My second question was, "Are you walking with God?"  Again this can be so simple for my kids and a good reminder for all of us.  Yet, it can also be a deeper question that my husband and I can ponder over for the next week.  For my children, "have you talked with God today?"  "Have you listened to God today?"  For myself, "have I spent time alone with the Lord--studying His word, praying and listening?"

At times, I have forgotten to write a new question and my kids will ask me, "Mom, where's our question this week?"  I love that they love the idea and I love that they are helping keep me accountable!

Last week's question from my recent study about Gideon: "Who does God say you are?"

How do I Show Love?

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."  Galatians 6:2 (NIV)

If you caught my New Year's blog, you saw my theme for the year is to "love God and love others" based on Matthew 22:37-39.  My main goal this year is to not only do this myself, but teach my children to as well.  The verse above, in Galatians, reminds me of the importance of loving others.  Many of us know this verse, but perhaps are not sure how to "carry" each other's burdens.

I use to be at a loss for how to "carry" each other burdens as well.  I knew I could always pray; however, which is very important.  We can most certainly "carry" each other to the Lord in prayer.  But what about being the "hands and feet" of Christ (1 Corinthians 12).  1 John 3:16-18 says,

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.  If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?  Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth."

So, how?  How do we love "with actions?"  How do we act out love, carry each other's burden, and be the body of Christ?  I want to encourage and challenge you to reach out to a hurting mom today, this week, this month.  Who in your "world" could really use your help?  Do you have someone in mind?  Is there a single mom you know who could use your help? A mom of a child with cancer, a mom who's aging parents' health is struggling or passing away?

Then, ask, "how can I be the hands and feet of Christ for them?"  One of the best things you can do is give them a call and let them know you care, that you are praying AND then ASK what they need.  Sometimes we moms don't want to admit we need help and we certainly don't want to burden another mom with our problems.  BUT, God created us for each other, to help each other.  So, when a mom doesn't know what she needs, here are some ideas you can consider based on my own experience:

*Offer to cook a meal
*Offer to take their kids for an afternoon or a whole day, so mom can get a much needed nap (she may not realize how tired she is until the kids are gone).
*Bring a special treat: shortly after we lost our 6 year old nephew to cancer, we had some wonderful friends from church stop by with a bag of chocolate.  There were no words to say, but just the effort to stop by and bring something special for our kiddos was such a blessing!
*Send a card letting them know you are praying.  It's wonderful to pray, but oh so incredibly touching when you tell that person so they know you are praying.
*Clean their house!
*Take them out for a girl's night--take a mom out for dinner or just dessert.  Go watch a funny movie or a chick-flick.  Just get them out of the house.  Sometimes changing their environment can make a world of difference.  And a side note, girl's nights out are wonderful as long as they are positive and encouraging.  This is not a time to pick on our spouses, or join a negative parade.  This is a time to laugh, love, and encourage.  Perhaps even a time to cry together.
*Offer to go to a doctor appointment with them.
*Donate, donate, donate: your clothes, your hair (for cancer) your time.

These are just a few ways to show Christ's love to moms who are hurting.  I would love to hear any more ideas you have!  Please comment so others can know more ways to help.

PS  What brought me to this post?  A friend and a sister who are both moms and going through some really hard times right now.  And a sister-in-law who has suffered much.  Here is the blog for my niece (my sister's daughter) if you would like to follow her story and pray.  Thank you.  :)

Taylor's Tumors

Love God, Love Others

"Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV)


Happy New Year Moms!  Wow, a new year...new opportunities, new goals, a new me, a new mom.  Are these your thoughts at the beginning of a new year?  I resolve to be a better mom, to be more physically fit, to be better with my finances, to be a better wife to my husband.  We dive right in and suddenly find ourselves smashing into the bottom of the pool.  As soon as that first mistake or failure comes (and it will) we "beat" ourselves up--how could I; I was supposed to be better at this--or we completely blow off the whole idea.  Does that sound familiar?  In all honesty, it certainly does for me.

I have been thinking and praying a lot about this upcoming New Year.  I do not want to overwhelm myself with lots of resolutions or put pressure on myself to finally be "supermom" nor to give up altogether on everything.  So, I have been talking with God about this very thing. Lord, how can I be a better mom?  How can I raise these children You have entrusted me with in a way that honors you?  I feel overwhelmed at the responsibility and tend to be quite hard on myself whenever I fail.  I have finally learned after about 7 1/2 years of parenting that failure (as I call it) is inevitable.  I will make mistakes and need to ask for God's forgiveness, which of course He lovingly always gives.  I even need to ask my kids for forgiveness often, good grief!

I must remember, God's view of me is not a failure at all.  He loves me no matter what!  And this is the very thing I have been trying to instill into my children.  There is nothing you can do, to stop God from loving you.  His love is unconditional.

This is the sign that hangs above my oldest son's door in his room.  We made this sign when he was 5, I think.  We made it because I wanted him to remember that this is what God says is the most important thing for us to do as Christians.  

So, as I have been talking with God, He has reminded me not only of His view of me, but also of the most important thing in life.  Jesus says in Matthew 22:37-39, that to love God and to love our "neighbor" is the first and greatest commandment.  This is the number one most important thing we can do to honor Him.

Therefore, when I ask God, "How can I honor you as a mom?"  His answer...to love Him and to love others and to teach my children to do the same.  Just making this my one focus for the New Year is so much better than resolving to be "supermom."  

The bible says that without love, I am nothing.  I love how The Message says it in 1 Corinthians 13:1-3, "If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.  If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.  If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere.  So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love."

LOVE is the most important thing I can give, show, and teach my children.  And I have learned that the more I know God's love and "fill" myself up with His love, the more I can show that love to others.  When my "cup" is filled and overflowing with God's love, then others will have that love come pouring over to them!  Is that not amazing!  And, loving others becomes easy, not a chore or something else I need to add to my "to do" list.   When I know God's love, I naturally want to love others!  

I plan to blog more on this in the New Year.  So, prayerfully resolve with me to know and experience God's love this year.  Dive into His overwhelming love because when you do, I believe we will all be suddenly surprised to not smash into the bottom of the pool, but instead, to soar through the water, splashing His love joyfully onto others.

Take Time to Make Memories

Merry Christmas all! I am honored to have the opportunity to do some blogging with Jenny on her fantastic site. After having the privilege of knowing Jenny for almost twenty years, I was thrilled when she asked me to contribute. I look forward to sharing stories of my faith and learning many of your own as we muddle our way together through this precious gift of motherhood.

 

 

 

It’s 7:00 PM on Friday, December 21^st. Today was supposed to be a day of huge excitement. First there were those who assumed life as we knew it would end today. Of course, as we all know, the world is still turning and each of us is still blessed with the opportunity to continue enjoying life. With that established, it was time to begin our regular morning. I quickly realized though that the rest of our planned excitement was about to drastically change. Instead of getting dressed to head to my daughter’s school for her class holiday party, I was taking her temperature and trying to figure out the best way to get the supplies, food, and crafts to the school with a daughter running a temperature of 102 and looking thoroughly miserable.  Needless to say, my definition of excitement changed greatly.

By lunchtime it was official. My precious little one tested positive for both flu and strep. It was not the way we intended to begin celebrating Christmas.

Now, I’m sitting here with her head in my lap trying to figure out how to rearrange all of our plans. You see, like most Moms, I am the ultimate manager. I am the one who organizes everything for our family – the schedules, the gifts, the travel arrangements, the food, and every other thing imaginable. My planning schedule just got turned upside down.

As Moms, we work hard to ensure the holidays are as perfect for our families as possible. Yes, we know the importance of togetherness instead of things, and of flexibility instead of perfection. In fact, many of us encourage those ideas every year at the exact same time we are stressing over making Christmas cookies, wrapping presents, or putting in appearances at family get togethers. You see, we can focus so hard on doing the right thing for our families for Christmas that we forget to do the important thing.

Somewhere along the way, we forget the significance of making memories and it’s those memories that will carry our children into the future. They won’t always remember what they received for Christmas, whose Christmas present was wrapped the best, or which cookie had the most beautiful design. Instead, they will remember the year the turkey didn’t cook and Spam was served in its place. They will remember the year the cat climbed up the Christmas tree. They will remember the year the nametags were not filled out on the presents and they played the game ‘match the gift to the person.’

My daughter will not get a chance to sing her solo on Christmas Eve. She will not get to travel and visit with her cousins nor will she be able to wear her new Christmas dress. Instead, because of the strep and the flu, many of our standard family traditions we have built a lifetime making with her will fall to the wayside. So, Mom is throwing out the plan book. Instead, we are going to have a quiet Christmas of three and spend our time making those unplanned memories she will never forget.

Moms, in these last few days before Christmas, I encourage you to take a little pause and see if you can find some time to create the little memories with your family in addition to enjoying the beloved family traditions. Don’t stress when they occur; instead, enjoy them. They will be remembered!

Take Five

Hey, Sorry I have been so silent for so long... life has been CRAZY!  I have not been in the writing mood in a very loooooong time, and that is not normal for me.  You see, last year we adopted a 5 1/2 year old boy, and soon after settling in with him and getting past all the transitional crazy that went with that, the Lord led us to get pregnant again.  So last Dec, right after Christmas I found myself with child. The news came one beautiful morning, and then later that night I got a call that my Dad had been rushed to the hospital... a few days later he died.  So dealing with his death, still adjusting to the new son, and being pregnant made for an interesting year.  But all is well, and of course we are loving life no matter how hard it is at times.  Our sweet little girl was born Aug 31, and is such a bundle of joy to each and every one of us.  The transition to 5 kids was not as easy as I was hoping.  She is a great baby, but juggling an infant with my already full life with all we got going on, wiped me out.  We are finally figuring things out; a new normal is making its way into our life.

Anyway, I wanted to share something here that I have been doing recently.  Really I don't know why I have not been doing something this structured sooner, because I have known about this parenting wisdom for some time now and heard it a few times in different places.  I guess maybe I didn't like the appointment type approach it seemed to have.  But, one of my kids is in counseling and it was recently brought back to my attention; so I decided to give it a try.  I did not want to just do it without telling the kids what I was doing.  And I want them to be able to help me remember and hold me accountable to doing this.  I also like to try to make things sound fun or cool for the kids and wanted to make it easy for them to remember.  So, like my "hang time" I have mentioned before where each month 1 kid gets a day where we have special time together out of the house, now we have "take five".  This is 5 min a day, that each child gets to have with mommy all to themselves.  Of course it can go over that 5 min if able or allowed, but the idea is for the kid to get 5 min to do whatever they want to do with mom.  They get to choose and as long as it is something they are allowed to do, we do it.  I am not allowed to give commands, or say anything negative, or ask any questions... we have fun playing whatever that kid wants to play.  I enter into their world, just like I was a kid too.  The kids really like this idea.  My son, who is an extreme E personality, will always come and say "take five" to me constantly.  So whenever I am not busy with something that needs attention at that moment, we are not doing school, the baby is okay without me, etc... they are allowed to come say "take five".  They can only have one a day, unless all the kids have had theirs and there is somehow a lot of spare time in my day still and I am able to do more.  This is still new, but I look fwd to seeing how it goes and what things come of it.  I hope it helps grow our relationships better and love each other better.

DO any of you do something like this as well?  If so, does it work?  What do you do differently?  Do you find it hard to have child-led play time?  Do you find yourself turning 5 min into an hour?  Would love to hear input.

Go enjoy your kids,
Chrissy

Being Thankful

This year as I prepare for Thanksgiving, I am sad.  I am thankful for this time of year to stop, be with family, and reflect on what I am thankful for this year.  However, I am saddened by the consumerism that is attempting to over shadow this day.  In case you did not know, there are going to be stores open for business on Thanksgiving day with sales galore to entice you to shop until you drop.  However, Thanksgiving is a time to STOP (not shop)--stop being busy, stop being selfish, stop forgetting.  It is a time to enjoy our families, a time to give, and a time to remember our blessings this year.

Don't we need to stop?  Don't we need to breathe?  Don't we need to take a moment and reflect?  Don't we need to catch up with family and enjoy their presence while we still can?  This is a great day to rest. Even our Heavenly Father wants us to stop, to rest, to give, to reflect.  Why would anyone want to throw all that away just to be busy at stores?  Why is it our nature to be busy and constantly "doing?"  Why is it so hard to stop, to rest?  Why must we fall into the temptation of consumerism, amazing sales, and having more and more stuff?

This Thanksgiving, I want to encourage you to STOP.  I want to encourage you to slow down.  I want to encourage you to not fall into the temptation of "doing."  I encourage you to spend time with family, rest, and encourage each other.  I encourage you to reflect on all the ways God has blessed you this year.  Furthermore, I encourage you to teach your children to stop, to slow down, to reflect as well.  I encourage you to play with your children instead of shopping for them.  They will probably play with that toy for a few weeks and be done with it, ready to move on to something new.  But, if you spend time getting down on the floor with them and play, they will remember it forever.

So, stop, rest, reflect, teach, and play this Thanksgiving.  :)

With a thankful heart,
Jenny